Two or Three?

I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before or not, but I am part of a blended family of sorts. My dad was married before my mom and had two kids, my older brother Jeff {who is 13 years older than me} and my sister Pammy {who is 9 years older than me}. When he married my mom, he had me and then my brother, Bradley.
To be honest, I didn’t spend a whole lot of time with my brother Jeff. By the time I was really coherent enough to “hang out” with him, he was already in college, dating my soon to be sister-in-law, Lia {yes, I have known her practically my whole life, pretty cool, huh?} and he really wasn’t interested in being bothered by his bratty younger sister, as you can probably tell from the above picture.
But my sister, well, she adored me, at least I like to think she did. She held me a lot and when I got a little older, she did my hair {anyone remembered the “feathered” early 80′s look?!! Ha} and even let me hang out in her room now and then.
She WOULD NOT, however, allow me to spend the night on the pier during the summers when her and her friends would have sleepovers outside. I was pretty bummed about that one and permanently damaged…
Anyway, as we all got older and we all developed as adults, we created our own relationships with each other. My brother Brad and I were 16 months apart and were raised like twins. I’m sure to this day he has emotional baggage over my mom dressing us alike. It might not have been so bad if his outfits didn’t look like a girl’s outfit….poor guy. :(

So, as I was saying, Brad and I were very close as kids, but as we got older we went separate paths. He became part of the very high powered business world and I joined the ranks of the poor in body but wealthy in spirit teaching world. He moved to London, remained single, and I got married to a youth pastor and moved to the armpit of California. We really were worlds apart, and besides, I was always HORRIBLY mean to my brother. Said awful things, etc. He is such a kind person, I’m sure I damaged him for life. :(  Sheesh stupid Amy.
So Brad and I, the “full blood” siblings, we didn’t really turn out as close as maybe most siblings do. Although we have been closer the last couple of years than we have been in a long time, I have to say, there were many months that would go by without us really talking much. I am very happy to say that I learned to not be so mean and we have been keeping in touch. I am so glad about this, because I love my brother very much. He is such an incredible person, with so much to offer. Super smart, loving and kind. And he has been such a wonderful Uncle to my kids.
So, while my brothers and I were doing our own things, my sister and I became really close. I would say for the last 13 years or so, my sister and I have been BEST FRIENDS. We call each other several times a week, cry on each other’s shoulders, vent about our husbands {shhhh…}, complain about life, lack of money, our kids, our health, our weight, our looks, our clothes…you know all the things sisters do.
Thank God for my sister.
And my older brother. I love him. I know I mentioned a bit about him in the beginning, but here is his wife Lia, and such a wonderful picture of Jeff and Evy.
 Actually, I can’t believe it, but I’m kinda getting tears in my eyes. My brother is going to be 50 here in the next couple years. My brother is so kind, has two beautiful children and I just can’t even think of words good enough to describe him. He’s a hard worker and is really a lot like my dad in a lot of areas. Both my brothers are. They are both financially brilliant, a gene I hope to someday develop, but has seemed to be missed in my Wollmer DNA. When my dad is gone, Jeff and Brad will take his place as the Wollmer patriarchs. They good men, and I know that God will bless them and their lives.
Sheesh…WHY am I crying?!? UGH.
Ok, so what’s my point?!?
Well, today as I was in Target….more like RUNNING through Target because my mom was here with my kids and I was trying to hurry, I saw a very attractive mom. You know how you always seem to notice put together people when you AREN’T put together? Well, this mom had her hair perfect, great bag, cute little figure and then I saw her cart…TWO girls and then another cart following behind her with TWO boys, the oldest boy was pushing the youngest.
DEAR GOD… you mean she had four kids and she looked that cute? And she was my age too. How in the world does she do it? I have two kids and I can barely find enough time to look in the mirror, much less find cute clothes to put on. Unless its Evy’s Tree, I probably am not wearing it.  Seriously, am I the only mom who wears the same thing over and over?!?
Ok, I know, that lady probably is the same boat as me. She probably wore that outfit every single day this week and she probably looked at me and thought “how nice, she doesn’t have any kids!”. Things are never as they appear, but it did get me thinking.
Brandon and I always said we wanted to have 3 kids. And I always said I wanted to do it before I turn 35. Well, if that’s going to happen I have to get pregnant RIGHT NOW.

Uh….no, not happening. No way. No how. NOPE. No siree….
I just can’t do it.
I have heard so many mixed thoughts on 2 or 3 kids. Which is hardest…some say three, some say two. But to be honest, going from one to two seriously did me in, and if going from 2 to 3 is harder, well boy oh boy, I’m a goner.
But then I start thinking about my family. And how much I love having three siblings. And how when my parents are gone we will have family. How I have a wonderful sister and how I have two brothers to go to advice for. And of course, there is always that morbid thought, what if something happened to one of my kids? Then the leftover one is an only child and won’t have any family when we are gone. And I think about Brandon and how he is also one of four and how much he loves that as well. And how my kids have lots of cousins.
And then the flip side….we don’t make a lot of money. We will never be “rich”. I grew up being able to go to good schools, have decent clothing, attend any college I would like. I would like to provide a nice living environment for my kids. I want to be able to feed them and clothe them, make sure their needs are met, you know? Not really sure I would be able to do that {at least how I would like} with a truckload of kids. ha.
And then there is the argument, well, good grief, how much more trouble can one more kid be?!
So…I am interested, what do you think? What is harder? Two or three? How many kids do you have and why did you decide to have more or less?
Help! Two or three….?

25 thoughts on “Two or Three?

  1. 1
    Jennifer says:

    AWWWWW! I say the second was my hardest! I was soooo in love with Hank I had a hard time even thinking about another child but once we had Dylan then Stella Marie and Ronnie!!! I would keep going if I was not turning 40 this year! We are poor but blessed in many other ways! I am not great on quoting sripture but I do have the be fruitfull and multiple down!! Hee Hee! Have more and more!!! I LOVE big fams! I wish I had a close fam. My sis and I have never been close sooo I cried reading your post! Hugs Amy I LOVE your blog!!!

  2. 2
    Jennifer says:

    Just read my post! All the spelling errors well just know you do loose brain cells with each child Hee Hee!

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Those are all my same questions and concerns. What to do?! I'm from a family of 3 girls, me being the middle child and we are close. But, still…..

  4. 4
    ReginaM. says:

    Amy, I feel like you've been peeking into my mind with this post. With my boys being 10 months apart and with all of Mason's delays the very thought of another child brings about a very crazy twitch as well as thoughts of hiding out in some witness protection program just to escape them. Lol! However, thinking about future Holidays and family get togethers it makes me long for a big family. All the thoughts you mentioned have run through my brain also.
    However, I think we are sticking with 2. As much as I want the big family I will just enjoy all the cousins for the time.

  5. 5
    Sullivan's says:

    It's a very personal decision….. I will say there have been times that I wish we had had more than two – but . . . . I believe that God will give you an honest and complete peace and you will "know" what it right for your family ! In my mind – you don't sound like you want to stop – and who said you have to stop at 35 ??? Children keep you young !!! And …. You are still young!!! :)

    Love you!

  6. 6
    Abbie says:

    I have 3. Ages 9, 3 & 1. Going from 1 to 2 was not that big of a deal, because my son was almost 6 and in school when she was born. Now going from 2-3…I am ALWAYS right on time to church and rarley early. :-0 Both of my 'little' ones demand a lot and it keeps me on my toes. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but no more for us…unless we are that 1%! ;-) LOL!

  7. 7
    SoShawna says:

    Those pics crack me up! Hilarious.
    You know most of my thoughts about this subject due to our multiple discussions/debates about it. Of course I'm making the leap to 3 and yeah….sometimes scared and sometimes thrilled.
    When the kids are acting up I think "Oh God help me."
    Then I see them behaving sweetly and loving each other and look forward to another precious little girl to dress up and fix her hair…and knowing she'll have a SISTER….yay!
    I'm also from a blended-ish family and of course, the youngest of 6. We didn't always have alot but we had enough and appreciated what we had. We grew close and now that we are older and one parent is already gone, we are there for each other through everything. So big families are priceless in many ways. You can't put a price on some things and overall, I think having a few extra kids is worth all the hassle & empty wallets, 'cause your (and their) hearts are always overflowing.

  8. 8
    Prencie says:

    Good grief! 1st I have to say that you and your brother look NOTHING like your baby pics!! And not to mention your brother is a cutie!;) Man, what is it with blog ladies and their cute brothers this week;) lol! Ok, never in a million years would I EVER EVER want somthing to happen to one of my precious precious babies! I THANK GOD EVERY day for all 3 of them!! I feel so blessed…..but! For me, 2 was a good place. Funny thing is is that I felt like something was missing, not in a baby sort of way. I though,"ya know, i'm the only female in this household". So my search for a female yorkie was on. Oh yeah! I was going to be one of "those" woman. Ya know, the kind that carry their lap dogs everwhere they go. I was kinda sad that I never had a girl to dress up and what not, so I thought a pooch would do the trick. NOPE, my little princess was not so princess-y! She peed and pooed EVERYWHERE!! I have thrown away FIVE rugs since we've had Gigi!!! GRRRRR! Ok, back on track….God gave us Paris even though I thought I didn't want another baby. Our family is now complete. You have a boy and a girl. Perfect! But if you personally feel like things are rough now…..they will only get worse {take my word!!} Seriously! There are days I think I just might lose it!! Wish I could pick up the phone and call you cause I have so much more to say and I'm not trying to write a book here! GOod grief! You have to do what is best for you and your family, if one more is what you want than by all means go for it! Some days I do wish I could have more kids. If we lived on a farm {or a place with plenty of yard for the kids to run wild in} and more money {so I could hire some help!!! Amen!} I would totally want at least 2 more! No joke! I love having babies with the love of my life! So, I'll be curious to see what happens;) XOXO <—–got that from you, tee hee:)

  9. 9
    Prencie says:

    Ok, blogger was acting stupid!!! It kept telling me I was entering the word verication wrong so I kept rewriting it {which is why it shows 4 comments from me!!??!?!} don't know why it did that!! Sorry:0)

  10. 10
    Heidi King says:

    You know my take on the matter! I absolutely love my children and have contemplated one more and I am in the midst of chaos. :) The truth is, it is the most wonderful chaos and I wouldn't trade if for all of the world. I think you should wait 'til Evy is a little bit older, so it is slightly more manageable. You are an amazing mother! Plus, I need you to have one more girl. Joshua and Jude can't fight over Evy. :) As I was reading your blog, Emma was looking at Jacob and asking, "Mom, Jacob is the boy who is going to marry me?". Love it. LOL.

  11. 11
    Rubie says:

    Oh wow, this is something I think of often Especially since people constantly ask when will I have another, this started when Scarlett was only a few months. Good grief people!

    Well for me I have to take into consideration how pregnancy just doesn't come easily. I lost 2 babies before Scarlett so there is always that fear.
    Then my pregnancy with Scarlett was really rough and just recently was diagnosed with a heart condition.

    My Dr says I can safely become pregnant but will have to stop my medication and would pretty much be in pain my whole pregnancy. So most days this is enough to convince me I am done.

    Then I get to thinking about how my sister is my very best friend and I am super close with my brother. I can't imagine my life without them. Then the guilt sets in, how I am robbing Scarlett of a best friend, a sister or brother. How I will not be around forever and I want her to have someone. I worry that she will be lonely growing up.

    So I am still undecided, I guess when the time comes I will know what the right thing for our family is.
    My Dr says

  12. 12
    Rubie says:

    Ok ignore that last line that says "my dr says"

  13. 13
    Stephanie Moore * OurLittleMissThing says:

    Amy, I am cracking up right now…
    I am one of 4 kids, and I have to say, I LOVE IT! my bros/sis are soooo close, and we get along sooooo well, that I cannot imagine life without them…
    my sis is my best friend, and my bros are a close 2nd behind her…
    as for us, we now have 5 children, and yes, we do plan to have one more…..
    our ages are:
    Christian 15yrs
    Cameron 12yrs
    Clayton 7.5yrs
    Carlynn 6yrs
    Corbin 13.5m
    so our kids are spread out….and its so nice that way! the olders help with the youngers, and they all help with the baby…
    life gets sooo much easier once they start going to school, and you will see the seasons change once Jake can go to K-4 *if you put him in*…

    as for your all, its really a personal choice. You will never make *enough* money by our personal standards, but I believe God has a way of taking care of us…
    we have been a one income household for 15yrs, and I've been blessed to stay home & raise all our children so far, and I hope to continue it for yrs to come…
    I, like you, have started a home biz, I have always tried to bring in extra money of some sort, and it def does help….but trust in God, He will always make a way to provide a way for you all, and you do learn to be creative with finances or life, the more kids you have….

    it all works itself out, and I know you'll know what's right for you…
    and if you just threw caution to the wind, you'll find that you could never have imagined your life without the new little one, if that is what you all end up deciding!
    I love my children, and I could never choose any of them to not have had…
    children are a blessing not a burden!


  14. 14
    Mande says:

    I am the oldest of 9- several blended families, step brothers- half sisters, 1 true blood….LOVE them all….anyways…being the oldest I was usually the default caregiver. I loved all the noise and craziness when we all got together, but I always knew in my heart I would have ONLY 2.

    If there is any part of you that longs for a 3rd baby- you should go for it. You are such an amazing mom and your kiddos would love a little one to love. I hope whatever you decide, you follow your heart and it will all work out for you-lots of money, or no money. Just follow your dreams.

    Oh and those mom's at the store- all put together with 4 kids-I also wonder- how do they do it? They must have help. A live in nanny or a grandma that comes over so they can get dressed…..I wish I was put together. :) So NOT.

  15. 15
    Jenni says:

    I think everyone said exactly what I was going to say to you {guess that is what happens when you are comment #18 :)} I joke.

    I say follow your heart, your head will catch up eventually.

    As for us, we just knew we wanted only 2, we talked and decided that before we were married that is what we wanted. We didn't find out the sex of our babies until they came out of me so even if I would have ended up with another boy, instead of my little Lola, we would have just had two! Although, I am so thankful that I was blessed with Kyan and Lola! They are perfect!

  16. 16
    Jaime @ Like a Bubbling Brook says:

    My opinion? Each family should pray fervently about what God desires regarding their family size :) Too many couples determine family size on what "they" want, and don't allow God to speak on the issue or convict their hearts if He chooses. He is the giver of life, after all….not us :)

    We find over and over in Scripture that children are a blessing, that we are to be fruitful, and even that the purpose of marriage is to raise godly seed (this is Micah, if I remember correctly).

    That being said, each family will look different and make different choices, but it's soooo important to take the time to really consider what God desires of us and allow Him to speak into our hearts regarding children.

    Just my two cents, since you asked ;)

    And 35? What's that?! My hubby turns 40 in less than two weeks, and I say let's keep the kiddos comin', lol!!!! You're still young, my friend!!!

  17. 17
    cheyenne says:

    i fit the scenario in your blog…only child after my brother passed. i definitely grew extremely close to both my parents, but i still missed having a sibling. i think that's why i want to have 1 or 2 more kids. when we get together with my mom, it's just her and my little family, so i want my little family to be a big family…lots of kids seem to make holidays and gatherings more fun.

    so we are going to have another eventually. sg came along so early in our marriage that we waited to have huck until she was 4. 4 yrs apart was almost too much. so our third will come around sometime when huck is 3. i think that is how i manage…the age differences help. have a 3rd but wait until evy is a bit older. you can have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies after age 35 :)

  18. 18
    Sillynelle says:

    I giggle when I see this post because I was one of the people that said I would NEVER have three children. Even as we got married I said dont expect me to have three kids its either two or four. And over time after having a couple miscarriages and watching my girls grow up, I want a third SOOOOO bad.
    I dont think that people regret having children more than they regret having not. You will never make enough money to give your children what you think they should have because sometimes as parents we want to give them the world. But what you do have is a home that is full of love…God supplies what we need and we always make a way to cut out the stuff thats unneccessary to supply for our kids.
    Last thought…I look at my youngest Alyssa and her personality needs someone younger than her so she can be a leader. I have seen her flourish so much now that we have the newborn foster baby in our home. So look at Evy's mannerisms and see if its something that may be very productive for her. :)
    Hey but no worries at my job in labor and delivery I have seen 44 year olds come in and deliver…you have time to decide!! ;) haha

  19. 19
    Amy says:

    Wow, THANK YOU everyone for your incredible words of wisdom and insight. I had to re-read through the post to see what I wrote because you all left such heartfelt comments! :)
    I actually cried through many of your thoughts- what is wrong with me?!? ha.

    I think what I was really wanting to know was which was harder? Going from 1-2 kids or 2-3…mainly because I really felt kicked in the booty by 1-2, but my heart, for all the reasons listed, has always wanted 3.

    But I am sooooo glad you all left your thoughts because it just feels so good knowing that my reasons for or not having more kids are valid and common. Crazy how we all tend to think alike! :)

    Also, in case it was taken so from the post, I DO NOT take having children lightly. I have several very good friends who have tried everything on the planet to have children and just CANNOT. It is heartbreaking to watch them suffer. I have never had any trouble getting pregnant, which I do not take for granted. Nor do I take for granted that my children {thus far} are healthy. I have a very good friend that I have told over and over, if I wasn't my age {they prefer younger} and in the middle of having my own kids, I would carry her baby for her. Wouldn't that be the biggest joy ever?

    Furthermore, I believe fully that God is the author and giver and life and that He has the last say in my childbirthing career. :) That goes without saying in my life.

    Again, thank you dear friends. All of you left such wonderful things to think about. {Danielle, you're cracking me up! ha:)}

    BUT…..if any of you DO read this comment from me and have time to come back and let me know, which did you think was harder? 1-2 or 2-3?

    PLEASE say 1-2 haha.

    {PS…jenn {40 toes} thank yu for saying what you did about Hank, I definitely felt the same way :)}

  20. 20
    SoShawna says:

    I really LOVED the comment someone wrote about people usually have regret about NOT having more kids rather than regret having several…something like that. I agree! Love all the comments, too!

    It's a very personal thing and yes, God is the giver of life. I've always felt that way anyway…why I believe hormonal birth control is NOT for morally for me…but after my miscarriage even more so. That showed me how much I really, really wanted another child and how precious the unborn, lost one was to me.

    ANYway, I've heard going from 2-3 is much easier. I'll let you know in a few months!

    But it DOES get tons and tons easier when your older (and very active) one goes to school and the other starts behaving better….etc. Trust me. When Jake starts school you'll feel like the house is much emptier and if you haven't had another baby by then, it will be a little sad….lol…

  21. 21
    Melanie says:

    I love this post and all the comments! Well, just being real, going from 2 to 3 was a huge adjustment for me. We didn't plan to have any of the 3 as close together as they came though! : ) I had a newborn, 22 mo. old and one starting K4 in a few months. It seemed like one was always taking a nap when it was time to pick Shane David up. So I'd drive to the school with one of them crying all the way there. Lol! That 1st year was crazy! Honestly, the hardest part is when they all need something at once! With two it seemed easier b/c you can hold one but still have a free hand for whatever the other one needs. With three, I don't have enough hands and the laundry is out of control! That being said, if that's the worst of it then it's not really that bad right??!! I LOVE watching them all interact and play. The boys put on little plays to keep Isabella laughing and they fight over her attention constantly! Amy, it does add some extra stress but it adds a whole lot of extra laughter and fun to the household. If I didn't spend so much time in and out of the hospital when I'm pregnant, we would have more for sure!! Every single day I thank God for three healthy children! I agree with Soshawna…you'll never regret having more!!

  22. 22
    Tonya says:

    I don't think that there is a right answer to the two or three question. I think that it is a deeply personal decision that your hubby and you will have to make. That being said, I have three, yes, three girls and I LOVE IT! I agree that going from one to two was pretty difficult (trying to manage time, worrying that one is crying while you're feeding the other, etc.)…but I think that once you have figured out the time management thing, three isn't much more than two!

  23. 23
    Emily says:

    Okay so I obviously can't speak to the question about going from 1 to 2 or from 2 to 3 since I only have one, but I just wanted to say…


    Syd is 7 months old and I am already longing for another baby.I get JEALOUS when I see a prego woman. YIKES! I used to say I wanted 6; now I'm thinking more like 3-4, but we'll see :)

    On another note though – Amy you are a wonderful mother and you and Brandon make cutie-pies so I hope you do have another. ha!

  24. 24
    Stephanie Moore * OurLittleMissThing says:

    eek! I guess I too forgot to answer your question…
    LOVE this whole post!

    well I personally have 5 children, and my kids are all spread out….
    so I'm really of no help to you in that regards…
    first set are 3.2yrs apart, than 4yrs later, #3 came along, and 18m after that #4 came along…
    so the boys & the babies they were…
    but having 2 babies just 18m apart had its challenges, but it was really pretty simple..
    the boys were old enough to help with them, so it made it that much easier..
    and when #5 came along, well the youngest was already 5yrs old, and oldest 14yrs, so I had instant baby helpers built right in….

    I hope others can help answer you a bit better, cuz I've truly had it made having 5 kids……
    they're not as hard as a lot of people seem to think…

    good luck Amy, sounds like you truly want to have a 3rd child…

  25. 25
    Dear Lillie says:

    Okay – first, I love this post. I tried to comment the other night but my computer was hating me. Anyway, as I only have one at the moment I can't speak for which is harder (1 to 2 or 2 to 3) I can just say that I think you are such a wonderful mom and to go for it! I want to have between 4 and 6 (2 to 3 biological and 2 to 3 adopted) but I think Jon would be happy with two. I think we will end up with four, but who knows! God certainly has a funny way of showing us HIS plan, not ours – haha!

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