Was a rough day. Ever had those? Mine started out good {kids slept until 9:30 am!?!?}, but was slightly bulldozed right around 10 AM and I never recovered. My thoughts:

*Walked around like a zombie most of the day, completely void of energy. What is my deal?!? I can’t stand it when I feel this way.

*Brandon is gone and since he is in Canada, we can’t chat too much thanks to the phone bill. I have to wait for him to contact me through the computer and that stinks. I wonder if I am a zombie because I am depressed that I can’t talk to my husband?!? ha. {kinda serious}

*I have a blog post all typed up about my thoughts on marriage and children, but don’t have the heart to publish it. I keep going through and editing it. ha. I figure, if I am in such a BLAH mood, I better be careful what I say about two of the hardest things I have ever tried to tackle to date. Thoughtful of me, yes? ;)

* I am now officially 8 lbs overweight and I am SO FRUSTRATED about it. I lost a bunch of weight last year but gained most of it back over Christmas and cannot, for the life of me, lose it. It’s like I turned 36 and my body said, “No more dieting!”. Ugh. I feel like such a blimp. In fact the only pictures I took on my phone today were of me doing pre-diet pictures to kick my little booty into gear. Didn’t work. I didn’t log into WW once and I tried to work out but about died half way through it. Lord help me.

*I want to go on vacation. Really, really badly. So I am booking a trip to Disneyland for this Christmas that I have no idea if we can afford or not. But I don’t care. We can cancel 48 hours before and I am going to do my best to save like crazy. We will be celebrating Christmas in Disney this year, if I have to eat top ramen for weeks at time to get there.

*Brandon is speaking at this youth workers event and the kids and I are joining him. {anybody going??} I keep telling myself that this counts as a vacation, and I guess it does, especially since we are paying for AIRFARE for the kids, but it’s not Disney. Although I will say this: we will be with friends and family that we LOVE and the workshop is going to be awesome. So that gets me excited. :)

*We are remodeling our guest bathroom in two weeks and I still have not picked out any tile, sink or fixtures. I am stressing out majorly over this. We also have to mulch our entire yard, as well as fix a fence, fix the sprinklers, resod the lawn and plant a bunch of roses. All this in a two week break that Brandon has blocked out in his schedule. I am beginning to feel like we will never get it all done and to be honest, I’m panicking. There is nothing worse than having your husband gone all the time and wondering who is going to fix the yard while he’s gone. We have toyed with getting a landscaper, but they are EXPENSIVE. Can’t stomach the idea at the moment. So we persevere. Prayers are requested. ha.

My number one problem at the moment….

*Jake was out of control today. OUT OF CONTROL. I might cry typing this. He was just horrible. So much talking back, throwing fits, crying {lots and lots of crying}. After I told him his trip the playground that we had planned today with his Mumsy was canceled thanks to his behavior, he ran out in the driveway and tried to escape. Really not good. I attribute this to the following: he hasn’t slept well lately, he ate a bunch of junk this week{not on my watch, mind you}, he misses Brandon big time, he is growing older and smarter and knows how to fight back. All these things are tough, but boy, when I am fighting them by myself, they can be killer. To you single moms: HATS OFF TO YOU. Seriously. You deserve a medal. I really feel like the worst mom on the planet today and I can’t imagine how I’m going to recover from this tomorrow. God help me. I know He knew what he was doing when He gave me Jake, but I promise you, that boy is a handful. I hope and pray that I can do my best to steer him in the right direction and with God’s help, make him the man he is supposed to be. Because good LORD…I love that kid. So very much.

Oh boy.

I know God knows what He’s doing. But today I wondered if He did. But I trust. And I still believe, Lord. You see me. And that’s enough.

“Faithful is He who calls you, who also will do it.” I Thessalonians 5:24

Big hugs friends. xoxo

6 thoughts on “Today….

  1. 1
    Janelle Williams says:

    You’re not alone my dear . . . Been there many a times. I’ve walked around the house feeling hopeless and not accomplishing nothing. Also had the “worse mommy moments” too. You’re not alone, I can identify with each of your “bullet points”
    Keep your head up, You’re an amazing mom and a wonderful woman of God. I love your honesty and transparency. Praying that God gives you the strength and wisdom each day :) Love you

  2. 2
    Lana Lyman says:

    awww…you poor thing! I totally feel your pain. We all have those kind of days occasionally, and YES, tomorrow WILL be better! I’m sure you are an amazing Mom and Jake is just going through a phase (do the phases ever end? I think you just go from one phase right into another…ha!) I am younger and less experienced than you at the whole mom thing, but I have found for myself, when I’m having bad days (moping, kids outta control, etc.) that something as simple as a pep talk with myself makes a big difference. Knowing that I can choose my attitude and my attitude affects my mood and my mood affects my kids somehow seems to change things. Hugs to you and here’s to a better tomorrow! :)

  3. 3
    Amy Lynne says:

    {{{Hugs}}} I know not everyday is wonderful, but the thing is you get to start over everyday with a clean slate. Your little man probably won’t even remember the struggles from the day before, so give yourself that grace too!

  4. 4
    Miranda Sowers says:

    Praying for you today. I feel like I can relate a little bit. (Husband working long hours, some out of town and a strong-willed eldest child). I’ve only met you once at David and Bryony’s wedding, but I so enjoy reading your blog! Oh, and I’m also trying to drop pounds in my 30′s. Haha

  5. 5
    Jamie Koch says:

    Thank you for writing this! I have been in your shoes. A few times lately. I am sorry you are going trough this but I want you to know you are not alone! Hugs!

  6. 6
    Christie says:

    I am going through some similar things. My hubby left for a week to help the movers move our lives to a different state. I am left with 2 little girls, no TV in a tiny house, while waiting to here when our close date is. I have no friends here, yet, so we aren’t doing anything but hanging out. It’s a long road and I’m hoping it is over soon.

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