I Am Amy

You know sometimes you have those days where you just want to run away, find a nice beach in Bermuda, shove your sunglasses on your head, lay back, close your eyes and drink one of those nice cold drinks that they serve in the pineapple.
{What is in that pineapple anyway?! Or maybe I shouldn’t ask.}
Well, today is one of those days. Which, if you follow me on facebook, you probably already know due to my excessive updates filled with Jake-isms.
So for those of you who have missed the excitement, here’s a quick recap of the days events:
1. I asked Jake to move the pile of dirty diapers from the corner of the bathroom out of Evy’s path. Instead of moving them he decides to throw them at her.
2. Jakes climbs into the empty bathtub and starts squirting his sister with the rubber duckies filled with day old water.
3. After Jake dumps the entire box of alphabet cookies on the ground, I begin sweeping them up explaining that dumping cookies on the ground is a no-no. He doesn’t seem to hear me and starts throwing a fit when I tell him that, since our floor is NASTY, he can’t eat the cookies that he is starting to pop into his mouth.
4. Somehow he locates a Sharpie {which I keep hidden} and proceeds to “write his name” all over my Bible study and himself.
5. I notice a trail of clothes and follow it. I find a naked Jake outside with poop all over his buns and his church sippy cup. When asked what he is doing he replies, “I’m cleaning myself with my cup, Mommy.”
6. While taking a shower to properly clean above mentioned episode, Jake climbs up and grabs our razors and attempts to shave his upper lip. Blood everywhere, lots of tears and an instance upon a bandaid. Amazing what Mator and Lightening can do.
Please ignore the hoodie madness behind him…
And this was all before 2PM.
Sometimes I feel that I can possibly {key word here} understand an addict’s turmoil over their particular “drug”. Parenting has the ability to do horrible things to your body. The baby weight, the grey hairs, the wrinkles, the emotional stress, the exhaustion. But on the other hand, the euphoria combined with it makes you keep doing it.
Like the times Jake comes up and nuzzles his little face next to mine and says, “I love you SOOO much, Mommy.” Or like last night when he learned his first Bible verse and he was so happy he wanted to call everyone and tell it to them. Or like the moments when they are sleeping in your arms and they are so peaceful and content and you really, really feel like you could fly to the moon you are so proud of your babies.
But I’m not going to lie. I’m tired. And when you are tired, you feel frustrated with even the little things in life. And you begin to wonder:
What have I gotten myself into?
Why did I have kids?
Why did I quit my job?
Why did I decide to give up everything for these beings who really, at the moment, don’t seem to care?
{And they might not for a REALLY long time- maybe not even until they have their own kids}
But then I shake myself out of it and I remember, I am Amy. I am a grown adult who makes decisions and worked hard to make sure she made the right ones. I went through college, got my degree, worked hard at a profession, and tackled a classroom of 35 fourth graders for goodness sake.
I can do this.
I can be the mom I need to be. I don’t need to break down and wallow in self pity and worry and frustration.
But regardless of the amount of pep talks I give myself, I have to admit, this is really hard.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I realize how lucky I am that I have two healthy babies, a wonderful husband who loves me and supports our family with his strong arms of tenderness. I realize that I am blessed.
But at the same time, I want to tell people who maybe haven’t stepped over into the kid world yet and you look at me, in my shabby clothes, my dishevled hair, my tardiness, my horrible messy house, my stressed out persona, the financial strain and my breakdown moments…..
Have mercy and grace. Because it will happen to you. And when it does, I won’t offer you a rolled eye, or a frustrated sigh or a lecture. I will offer you a hug, a smile and a you can do it pep talk.
Because, as I like to remember…
“I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me”
Philippians 4:13
Even this….

8 thoughts on “I Am Amy

  1. 1
    SoShawna says:

    Someday we will laugh about this, I promise you. And we'll be sad that our homes stay clean all day and we are bored. Someday….

  2. 2
    Kristin says:

    Wow are you so not alone. We all have those days a mamas!

  3. 3
    Jenni says:

    wow – all before 2pm, you DID have a rough morning! But, I agree with SoShawna, one day you will look back at this story and laugh, but I am sure you weren't laughing today!

    I just dream of a clean house 24/7, but realistically it is just not gonna happen, I don't know how some mamas do it! But, would love some advice on how to…bottom line, it is not on my priority list! Time spent with my kiddos after workis!

    Sorry you had a bad day – am I a bad friend that I was laughing at Jake on all of his maddness today (think that is referred to as the "trying threes")! Hope not! The bandaide over the lip was priceless! Heehee!

    You are a wonderful mama! Keep your head up, sending you a hug through the computer screen!

  4. 4
    Mande says:

    If I could hug you through this screen I would. Girl, I feel for you. As a fellow stay at home mama I have had my share of times like these. You wonder why did we quit our jobs, but in the end, all those sweet moments make up for the crazy ones.

    A clean house is a dream of mine too…..reality, no, but a dream. If only I could afford a cleaning lady. :)

  5. 5
    Hanny says:

    I'm sorry, but these stories about your little guy just crack me up. You and all of these other mothers will think I'm nuts, but I hope that I get to experience life with a "crazy" child one day. I agree with SoShawna, you will look back at this one day and just laugh, and maybe even miss it? Keep blogging, it helps me get through my work days! :)

  6. 6
    Nicole Willis Greenwood says:

    Oh, Amy. I love your blogs, which you know. All of us stay at home Moms feel your pain. Sometimes, I just want to scream at newlyweds: DONT DO IT!!! hahahahahahahahahaha And to my girlfriends who only have one, and FOR SOME REASON want more, I say, take Gavin home with you for ONE night, just ONE night and I promise you the next day you will be SO happy with just the one child….hahahaha I dream of waking up, handing off my kids to a nanny and going to work for some adult interaction and conversation. But the reality is, I MYSELF want to raise my babies, and yes, hopefully (!) I will miss these days, when they are teens and want nothing to do with me. But at least I will get to sleep in then. hahahahaha Keep up the blogs, they make all of us in the same boat feel sooooo much better. We can all be insane together. LOL

  7. 7
    Amy says:

    Thank you everyone!! I really appreciate your kind thoughts and internet hugs, hehe. :) Seriously, it means so much. I was feeling pretty down yesterday, but I do feel much better today, even though Jake has a fever. At least nothing eventful has happened and its been a pretty smooth morning.

    And I'm so glad the clean house issue is the same across the board!

    Jenni- not a bad friend. hehe. It is pretty funny I think. If it wasn't happening to me, I'd probably laugh too.

    And Hannah!! So good to see you here!! Thanks for your comment and I have to say, with a dad like Danny, your kids will more than likely be "crazy"! :) So you'll get your wish, I'm sure, but think of how much great advice you have now! ha! :) Big hugs to you and Danny.

  8. 8
    Alisha says:

    Gotta love that Jake :) He was too much Monday night, I am still laughing at how daring he is. I hope he feels better soon.

    Give him and Evy a big kiss for me.

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