Fear

What a Monday yesterday was, yes friends? Days like this really make you want to curl up inside of your bed and never leave the house. Ever. My stomach is turning, and it didn’t help that when I went to the news page to read about the bombing, a banner thrown across the top of the page announced that an Earthquake has reported in Iran and Pakistan. I know this sounds crazy, but this especially makes me nervous since our house is located right on top of a fault…we do live in Earthquake country, after all. And let’s not even mention the feelings spawned by the bombing. It literally feels as if I can never leave my house as no place in this world is safe any more.

Last week, before Brandon and I left for a long weekend out of town, I wrote a blog post. It was entitled Fear. After writing it, I decided to wait to post it. Not sure why, but I just didn’t feel to hit that “publish” button. But this morning, when I woke up, I knew it was time to share it with you. I went ahead and edited some of it, but the majority of it is what I wrote last week. So, with knots in my stomach this morning, thanks to the bombings, the earthquake, and worry keeping me up at night over money, health issues, family members and other stressors….I want to give you what my thoughts were last week…with hopes that maybe it will encourage you, but most of all, with hopes it will remind me WHO is in charge and WHAT I should do with my fear.

My blog from last week:

I’m going to tell you a little story. One that I’m actually not very proud of, unfortunately.  Yet regardless, it’s a part of my life and who I am and I think it’s time to be talk about it.

I struggle with fear.

Let me explain… as a kid, I struggled so much with anxiety, especially separation anxiety. I’m speaking of the kind of fear that paralyzed you and wouldn’t allow you to speak, made you instantly nauseous, and made your mind think of all sorts of terrifying things. If you knew me as a young little girl you’re probably nodding your head right now. {ha} I never spent the night over at friend’s houses, hated scary rides at amusement parks, and movies that may have a ounce of intensity terrified me. I never wanted to leave my mom. EVER. She was my lifeline and made me feel safe all.the.time. I remember my parents liked to fly down to Mexico for week long vacations once or twice a year and I have vivid memories of me running after their car when they would drive out of the driveway. My poor parents!! hah. Now it just makes me laugh, but believe me when I say, as a kid it was no laughing matter.

 Thankfully, my mom was very clued into my feelings, God bless her. I’m not sure what triggered my anxiety as a kid. We moved a lot, so maybe that had something to do with it. To be honest, I was very blessed and had so much but….

IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE OR HOW BLESSED YOU ARE. FEAR AND ANXIETY CAN ATTACK ANYONE!!

In fact, it seems, from my short experiences with anxious people, that often it’s those who have an abundance that struggle the most with anxiety. At any case, I really believe that with all my heart, fear can hit you at any time, stage or moment in your life. Regardless of how blessed you may be.

As I became a teenager, things seemed to calm down a little for me in the fear department. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggled, but I started to learn techniques to combat those moments of sheer terror. I learned to breathe, focus, call on the name of Jesus…all of these things worked and helped me move farther and farther away from a pattern of anxiety. Today, I rarely struggle with those paralyzing moments…and when they do hit me, I usually take some deep breaths, focus on what’s around me and remember that HE HAS IT ALL UNDER CONTROL. That’s the key, I think.

 I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about fear lately. You see, there have been some things recently, that I touched on here, that have caused me to stay up at nights with anxiety. Thankfully it’s not the kind of paralyzing anxiety that I struggled with as a kid, but this kind of anxiety leaves me talking to the Lord a lot. Asking Him “why” and “how” and “what” of about certain things in life. And I’m going to be honest, sometimes I get angry. Because it’s not easy to look down at the full picture and see God’s plan. It’s not. There’s a balance to it, you know. You have to somehow find a way to look through things that might shake you and see the good….see the GOD in it. See HIS plan, not YOURS.

See, sometimes, when you follow HIM…the path isn’t always very clear. And just when you, so full of faith, hop on that path He may have for you, suddenly the path may seem very cloudy {especially when you look around you and it seems the world is falling apart}. And you look back at the other paths you could have taken and they look so sunny, and you suddenly wonder…WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?! …is any of this making any sense to you?

So I’ve been fighting. I’ve been fighting the anxiety with faith. With thankfulness. With peeling back the fog on my path and forcing my eyes to see the sun. Because it’s THERE. It really is. We walk these roads by faith. But I’m going to be honest, it’s not easy. If these roads were meant to be easy, then more than likely it wouldn’t be called a road of faith.

 I’m not sure how it happened, but two weeks ago I stumbled across Proverbs 31 online devotional journey with Melissa Taylor and I realized I still had time to join before it started. The book they were studying was The Stressed-Less Living. Ok, sounded good right? I hopped over to her blog and read the scripture that went with the first week….

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 NLT

 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. As I continued to read it, I realized that all the fear and all the anxiety of late was just God’s way of reminding me that I have forgotten… HE IS HERE. He is taking care of it, and all I have to do is hand it over to Him.

Please remember friends. God is with you. I promise, He is. I know sometimes it’s so hard to see it. Do your best to believe that beyond the cloudy, dark and scary nights, there is a sun that is breaking through, ready to shine.

Praying for Boston. Continually.

I love you all!

xoxo

8 thoughts on “Fear

  1. 1
    Gloria E. Bettencourt says:

    Amy I love to read your blogs. At my age I can still say you have been an inspiration in my life. You were there for a time and it made a lot od difference for me. I felt safe around you and trusted you with my MOST Treasured Cargo my daughter. She loved you like a big sister and that made me so happy. You will never how happy. It still makes a lot of difference in my life thinking about those beautiful years to look and reflect back on. What Happened? I still do not know what triggered her coming out and not wanting her to go back. It has been a long journey for me and still not wanting to accept it happened. When you talk about FEAR it brings back to me so many things in my life and yes it is a struggle to have fear. I do know I believe in JER 29:11 Plans and Hope. When HE closes a door a better one opens. I still pray for her and her Daddy believing in the HOPE that is in my Heart to believe that MY Hope is in HIM Jesus. For HIM there is nothing impossible. I believing with all my heart that someday it will all be alright and we will all join hands to Praise and Honor HIM. Please continue with your blogs they inspire me to know I am not alone. I love you Amy and will always continue to pray for you, Bro. Brandon and your Little Ones. You are very special to me. God’s Blessings always…………

  2. 2
    Ashley Ramirez says:

    I can completely relate to your post! Yesterday affected me so harshly and could not understand why. I just kept looking at my precious little 1year old and asking God to remove the feeling of fear and sheer panic from my heart! Thank you for your post! It helped me more than I could ever express!

  3. 3
    Jan W says:

    I needed to be reminded of this……thank you for sharing your amazing gifts with all of us.

  4. 4
    LJ says:

    I have struggled with fear and anxiety also as a child and as an adult. Thank you for posting this.

  5. 5
    Kim says:

    I love your heartfelt blog posts. just to know you are a successful mom and wife who also goes thru lifes daily struggles makes you such an inspiration. although our religious beliefs are very different I can still clearly understand where you get your strength. Glad you share with all of us!

  6. 6
    Sue says:

    “…pattern of anxiety…!” It’s the giving up of ourselves TO the fear — HOWEVER it manifests — that is the battle to overcome. It often becomes habit. My dear hubby felt fear and anxiety for the majority of his life, to the point of physical illness. As he continues — daily — to meet this foible head-on, he also continues to have victory, which is a victory for our entire family! I rarely have to “talk him down” anymore, and he is able to assist others. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
    Praise Be to the God of All Comfort!

  7. 7
    Lori Ann says:

    Thanks for your post. On Monday night, when I could not sleep, I was on my computer reading spiritual “things” (Spirituality.com) until 3:30 am! And I loved in the blog, Sea Kettle a beautiful pic and biblical quote. I think it is so important to remember that God (or whomever you relate to!) is always present and is more powerful than any fear-based incident. We can feel secure holding on to that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and exposing your feelings – I think a lot of us are in the same boat!

  8. 8
    Eva says:

    Needed to hear this today. Thank you for sharing your heart!

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