Conflicted Emotions

Well, I’ve been a huge blog fail lately. So sorry friends. I still have to finish up my house goals from last year for you, which includes blogging about Jake’s room and introducing our 2013 goals. I also hired a new shipping manager, and I need to make a formal announcement and introduction about her. I have a little to do list of blogging posts to complete but to be honest, I just haven’t had the time to do them. Lately I’ve been spending my time pouring over financial numbers and monthly promotions calendars. boo. I love this blog. I really do. And when I don’t have time to do what I want to do with it, it stinks, you know?

Anyway, I want to be honest here for a second…

Side note regarding honesty: Recently a blogging conference called Blissdom was held in Texas {someday it would be way cool to attend!} and I noticed that many of the tweets and blog posts of bloggers attending the conference were centered around honesty and how important it is to have on your blog. Well, that made me feel awesome as I think you all know how honest I am on this blogio…. ha. Hooray for doing something right over here!! ;)

ANYWAY….

I just wanted to let you know where I am at at the moment. Remember this post? Well, to be honest {there’s that word again, ha}, I’m still there. Some things lately have really made me stop and say, “Ok God, what’s going on here?” More honesty: I’ve gotten really angry a time or two this past couple of months. Angry at God {Lord, forgive me}, at my family, at life…but most of all AT MYSELF. Ever been there? I’m not the proudest of these feelings, but there it is.

The above picture was taken yesterday, as I was on my way to discuss Evy’s Tree’s monthly budget with my financial advisors. Yes, I have a group of people who I ask to review my budget and help me “trim the fat” so I can make Evy’s Tree successful. Some of them are local, some are out of town, but I usually call or touch base with all of them monthly, some weekly.

Let me say this, if you have a home business, find smart people around you who can help guide you financially, because balancing a budget and turning a profit is NOT EASY. That’s a freebie for you. ha. 

ANYWAY…so as I was getting dressed to leave I pulled on whatever random thing I could find {because you know, thats how I roll…no planned outfits over here, unfortunately} and as I was walking out the door, heading to this meeting regarding Evy’s Tree finances, I realized that I had pulled on one of the first Evy’s Tree hoodies I ever made. The original Brilla, to be exact. And it made me think. About where we’ve been and how far we’ve come. And about where we are going. And hopefully how far we will get.

Here’s the thing…I have my doubts. Conflicted emotions to be exact. I’m not sure about a lot of things in life, and one of them is Evy’s Tree. Don’t let that scare you. Some of my biggest and best decisions in life were things I wasn’t sure about, so usually that means {at least for me} that I’m on the right track. Usually it means I stepped out on faith and doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Stepping out on faith is uncertain, you know. But regardless, I have to say that I do feel most of the time that I am walking a tightrope and balancing Evy’s Tree in my hands as I walk between high rises like the man does in this documentary. All the while believing with all my heart that the Lord is holding His hands under me to keep me safe. Ever been there? If so, then you know that sometimes that tight rope act gets exhausting. Like I wonder if anyone is still out there, exhausting. Does Evy’s Tree still really mean something to everyone, or is it just me? Am I wasting my time trying to sell these things??

Or here’s a real worry of mine: maybe I’m supposed to just be a Pastor’s wife, not a business woman. Believe it or not, I feel a lot of guilt over that one. Crazy I know. But I look at some of you beautiful pastor’s wives and think, why can’t I be like that?!? Maybe I’m supposed to be just throwing myself into a ministry of some kind, not focusing so much on a business. If I didn’t have Evy’s Tree, I’d be able to focus on ministry with my husband a bit more, travel with him sometimes, do what other pastor’s wives do so well, whatever that may be.

But in the end, my sales {and my gut} always prove that this is worth forging ahead. In the end, I remember why I am doing this: for my family, for my kids and for our future. I realize that business may be my calling…especially when I get emails from you all telling me how much you love our products, or when I see the expression of excitement on your faces when you try a hoodie on for the first time and see how cute it is on…. Or when my husband is speaking at some of your churches and you sweet ladies approach him, with tears in your eyes and tell him how much this blog/business is a ministry to you. These are all things that make me realize…I need to keep going. It is worth it. 

I guess my point in this post follows a theme I have been screaming from the roof tops for many years now: DON’T GIVE UP. Even when you want to. Because the reality is WE HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR, even during those uncertain times. And truthfully, I think at some point, things break. Even if it’s just for a moment, and God allows you to see the sun through the clouds. Maybe things don’t always work out as you planned, but at some point you will be able to lift your head and say, I see what the Apostle Paul meant when he penned, “And we know all things work together for good who love God and who are called according to his purpose.” {Romans 8:28}. Or when Matthew wrote, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.” {Matthew 6:33}.

Are you going through an uncertain time? Keep on keeping on friends. We’re going to make it. All of us. Despite our conflicting emotions about things in life. :) Love you all!

xoxo

7 thoughts on “Conflicted Emotions

  1. 1
    Christie says:

    You are a beautiful pastor’s wife! It’s ok to be confused, we all get that way, we are human. Take things as they come and work hard at what you love. God will lead you where you need to be.

  2. 2
    Jen says:

    I hear yah, it’s been a real struggle for me lately trying to figure out where I’m going and what to do for my next step. Its hard to figure out if it’s a leap of faith or a leap of stupidity. I would miss you if you were “just” a pastor’s wife. I love your blog, I love Evy’s Tree and would miss them if you stopped but mostly, I’d just miss you!

  3. 3
    Priscilla says:

    Your are what the Bible refers to as the Virtuous Women, who was a wife of a prominent man and was a business women along with quite a few other hats she wore. Nothing to be guilty about in fact I am jealous of you :) Keep up the great work!

  4. 4
    Emily says:

    This was a huge encouragement for me to read, I’m glad I’m not the only with doubts and confusion about ministry and business. The work you do is a major source of inspiration to me. Thank you so much for being honest with us :)

  5. 5
    Natasha says:

    Umm–yes, yes, yes. Thank you. So much encouragement to hear my thoughts reflected from someone else. My anthem as of late has been “all things work together for good who love God and who are called according to his purpose”. I just keep believing and walking on in faith. Beautiful.

  6. 6
    Jen says:

    Thanks for being honest, Amy. It will gives us other bloggers the courage to do so, too.

  7. 7

    Hi, the first letter was sent to my billing address, not my shipping address. I do not know if it is just me or other individuals had this difficulty but I just planned to let you guys know. It was definitely disappointing not getting the letter where I’m suitable now!

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