Confessions of A Foodaholic

First things first….
Happy Anniversary to my dear, dear, dear friend Soshawna and her husband Elton! Wow…SIX years!?! I want to say it seems like just yesterday but to be honest, it seems worlds away that we both got married. What happened to us? I look back at these pictures and wonder, “Who IS that Amy?!?”
Me ironing SoShawna’s dress and my dad helping. He went with me to Hawaii for the wedding, to help me get there because I was DEATHLY sick with Broncitis. We had the best time. :)
Because THAT Amy knew how to use an iron. THIS Amy {2010 version} barely uses an iron unless its for her hoodies and I can’t remember the last time I bought spray starch- which used to be a staple on my grocery list.
So thank you dear friend for writing on my facebook wall this morning and reminding me it was your anniversary, ’cause you know me with dates…oh boy. HA. Happy anniversary to you and Elton. I hope you guys do something wonderful today…SANS KIDS!!! :)
Anyway… now that I got the most important preliminaries out of the way, all this turning the book back to 6 years ago has got me thinking.
About me and who I was then and who I am today.
And mainly about food.
I know that’s crazy to think back about yourself and come up with food, but I have a confession to make:
Seriously. Am I the only one?
I have had this love/hate relationship with food pretty much my whole life. I was known at one point in my life, to devor a whole bag of chips and salsa, an entire plate of fresh out of the oven chocolate cookies, an entire loaf of french bread lathered in butter, a leftover cheesecake sitting in the fridge, etc, etc.
I really, really love food.
But see, I also love to look nice. I like to be able to fit into clothes…and trendy clothes, which translates SKINNY because we all know that trendy clothes come in SMALL sizes. :(
So I have a constant battle on my hands: food or skinny?
Oftentimes we point our finger at the media {that alone is whole ‘nother post}, for all the pervasive glorifying of the unhealthy and un-natural “waif” look. The overall look of “Hollywood” is so unrealistic and unattainable for the “normal” person- it makes the natural beauties pale in comparisson to the painted, airbrushed, programmed look of the movies stars and supermodels.
As a youth pastors wife, I feel so frustrated for our young girls who get this type of brainwashing daily from TV shows, magazines, movies, billboards, even literature that is passed around at school. They all portray the “perfect” woman as tall, lanky, flawless skin… so unfair.
Call it crazy, but the battle is real. I know because it affected me.
As a teen and an early twenty something, I was on the front line of that battle. Fighting with counting calories, exercising, starving myself at night, eating only salmon and veggies for a long period of time…basically trying anything to make myself fit into “that” mold.
Food was the enemy, and if I mangaed to lose a pound a day, I was the victor. By the time I was 25, I somehow got my 5’7″ frame down to a mere 115 lbs…TINY for me. Sure, I looked FAB in pictures, but who are we kidding….I’m not a supermodel or a movie star. I’m a normal person who lives in REAL LIFE and in real life I’m sure I looked quite scary.
Right around that time I started dating Brandon. Bless his heart, he’s never had to count a calorie in his life. Have you looked at my husband lately? Seriously, how does a 30 year old man FIGHT to gain weight? Something is just wrong about that. But anyway, when I met him he thought the whole food battle was insane and just wanted me to eat a meal without worrying where it would end up on my body.
He taught me to not just love food, but love the eating of it too, and for once in my life I felt free. He never once complained if I ate too much or if I gained a couple pounds. In fact I don’t think he ever noticed if my weight flexuated. {At least that’s what he says…either that or he’s just a smart man and never says, ha!}  I would constantly ask him in the beginning of our relationship, “Can you tell I gained a couple pounds?” and he would look at me like I lost my marbles. And then he would go into the “you are fearfully and wonderfully made” and “God would never want you to focus so much on this” speech.
So I ate. And I didn’t worry about it. And I gained a little bit, but actually, not as much as I thought I would.
Food and I became friends.
Sooooo {don’t you just LOVE my loooonnnnngggggggg blogging?!? ACK!}…
Here I am, 33, *GULP* 34 in 3 short weeks, years old and I am ok with me and food. But now I have another problem. With age comes health concerns. Just overall wanting to live healthy so my kids have a mom thing. You know, live long enough to see my grandkids, etc. And futhermore, I am SICK of not being able to fit into my clothes thanks to some baby weight still left. I actually can’t stand it. I would just like to be able to wear a piece of clothing ZIPPED UP for once. {Yes, that is why I am always wearing long tanks, ha!}
So I am picking up the food battle sword once again. But this time, I’m not going to get crazy about it. I am starting with just eating right and exercsing, which I HOPE will help me lose my last little bit of baby weight and be able to fit into my clothes, hehe. This is such a hard balance for me as I don’t want to tip into the unhealthy fight with food. I have a wonderful food and exercise plan, that I can do all at home and takes no more than 30 mins a day, given to me by my friend Emily, who is a personal trainer. She has me on track. Really, I am trying to talk her into selling, for a small fee, her plans to moms who can’t make it to the gym or afford a personal trainer. She is awesome!!!
So there you have my wonderful food and weight diatribe. You can thank SoShawna for the trip down memory lane. And Emily, now you know. Ha.
And in closing: Hello, my name is Amy, and I am a foodaholic…..who is whole and fully loved by God-despite what I look like, saved by grace and lives completely in Him. That should say it all, I guess. :)

10 thoughts on “Confessions of A Foodaholic

  1. 1
    SoShawna says:

    Thanks for the comments :) I loved having you here for my special day. It will always be among my fav memories!

    I certainly, for one, know about your love/hate relationship with food/dieting! I have always thought you looked wonderful no matter what. But especially so now that you are consistently 30 lbs lighter than me! Ha…love you!

  2. 2
    I Sew Lucky says:

    I hear you! I have 5 children and after each one I would hit the gym and loose the 45+ pounds I has gained. After my 5th which was a oops I just had nothing left in me to loose the weight. This time I had to loose 7o:((( I have never been that over weight in my entire life!!!! I was asked to be in Better Homes and Gardens Christmas Idea book for 2010 and they needed a picture of me. I could have died. The hole nation isgoing to see my fat face I thought. So starting the 1st of the year I got busy on my health. I have lost 25 pounds and feel soooo much better already. Just knowing that I am "doing" something about it. I have 3 daughters and I hate that they see me struggle with this. And they are 3 skinny little girls. It is scary that they may follow in my forever battle within myself to try and loose weight.
    p.s. you still will see my fat face in the issue they needed mit by Feb. I am trying to get over that and feel honored that I get to be in the magazine.
    OK!!! Sorry about the long comment!

  3. 3
    cheyenne says:

    I wanted to lose my baby weight so badly after Huck was born that I put Weight Watchers on the credit card. :) Thankfully I only had to lose about 15 lbs, which didn't take forever, so we were able to quit paying after 4 months. Now I get to go for free and they help hold me accountable.

    And remember…the more you exercise the more you can eat! :) I think that is why I try to run 10-15 miles every week…it allows me to indulge my sweet tooth on the weekends! :)

  4. 4
    Prencie says:

    Girl, I think you look great! Yeah, yeah, I know I can't see what you look like under all clothes {that's what I tell everyone who tells me I look great for 3 kids} but we all know what are flaws are. Trust me, I'm dreading summer!! I use to love showing off my thick tone legs….uh, not anymore!! Now they're flabby and all veiny, booo!! But keep in mind, not sure if your still nursing, that it's extremely hard to lose weight when you need to still eat good to produce nice healthy milk, I'm sure you already know that. I couldn't even begin to lose my baby weight until I was completely done with nursing. Then after that I just ate what I wanted during the day and only ate healthy cereals for dinner, ones with lots of fiber;) That helps too if ya know what I mean. Ok, that's it I'm done.

  5. 5
    Mande says:

    You look fabulous Amy!!

    I need to join weight watchers! It works! It worked after Harrison was born & I am just trying to find the time to do it with 2 kiddos. Maybe I will try to follow from home. :)

    Emily sounds like a fabulous friend & will help you meet your goals Amy!! Wish I lived closer, I would love her help!!

  6. 6
    Prencie says:

    Man I had a lot of typos!! Good grief!

    P.S. Happy Anniversary SoShawna!!

  7. 7
    Us Four & No More says:

    Amy! Are you smoking medicinal marijuna?

    You have always, and I mean ALWAYS, looked awesome. In fact, I don't recall ever seeing you look a mess or a bit over weight. You are one of those rare women who don't gain weight in their butt or thighs (you're looking at one who does right now).

    There, a little pep talk from a lady who thinks YOU could be a model in a JCREW ad (and I'm not just saying this to blow smoke up your skirt) You are gorgeous on the outside and inside.

    Love yah

  8. 8
    Emily says:

    You are seriously gorgeous – and I would never have guessed by looking at you that you thought you needed to lose weight! But I understand that it's more about how we feel about ourselves…and I'm all for being more healthy…and I have some baby weight to lose too…so we can do this together :) I can't wait to see you tomorrow!!! If you're up to it I can help you get through the strength training. I promise that once you get into it, you'll feel so great and so strong that you won't care as much about what the scale says!

    I am a Foodaholic as well. I've never understood people who were ABLE to not eat for any period of time (ask God – I'm horrible at fasting!) I'm ashamed to say that when I was working full time and making lots of $$, I don't have anything to show for it because I pretty much spent it all on food…we'd go out to these crazy expensive restaurants almost every night. So embarrassing to say…

    But anyway, I have a HUGE issue with media for the same reason as you. It is so unrealistic. We've all given into their idea of beautiful. That's not God's idea of beautiful. I say we all rebel.

  9. 9
    Emily says:

    And thank you so much for your vote of confidence with the biz idea!!! Hmmm…let's talk more about it tomorrow :)

  10. 10

    This is such a good idea. A friend of mine sent me your backlink. It’s such a superior way to engage readers offline and get physical mail which everyone loves. I may should do this after my blog is up and running a bit more.

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