31 Days: Trust

Just so you aren’t confused…the post that many of you probably read this morning, was for yesterday. BUT since I typed it yesterday {ok, very, very late yesterday}, I felt it would be best, especially since I have missed several days, if I did a 31 days for today. Besides, I have something on my heart that I want to write on so you’re going to get it whether I call it “31 Days” or not. ha. I know, you’re so excited. You can stop jumping up and down. :)

** Diana Wraps are now listed HERE. Please remember that only the charcoal black wrap is being offered in the giveaway, so if you want one of the colors, snag them before they are gone! :)**

To be honest {I really hate when I say that. I am way too honest, way too much!}, I have so much I want to share with you. I should really just sit down and write a bunch of posts, schedule them and be done with it, but there are two problems with that:

1. I feel that might not make this authentic, I want you to know what I am thankful for TODAY…right NOW. You know? 

2. Who has time for that?!? ha. 

So today I am going to verbally vomit for a second. I have been told that I need to ask permission before I vomit, so….

Do you mind if I verbally vomit for a second? No? Well, thanks! :)

So this week I kinda had a moment where I really questioned God. Have you ever had those? If you have followed this blog over the last year, you know that our family made some major changes to our life. And we did going purely on “faith”. On “trust”. Brandon stepped down from a wonderful position as a youth pastor and moved into full time evangelism. That translates to…

Stability —-> No Stability

Or we could say it like this:

Steady paycheck —–> No Steady Paycheck

OR if you want to get really technical you could say:

Routine —–> NO Routine

I think out of those three comparisons I just listed, the routine one is hardest one for me to swallow at the moment. Stability comes and goes. Money is never enough… it comes and goes and God seems to always take care of us. But because I am naturally drawn to routine, well, the lack of it around is killer.

This morning, my kiddos did what they do most morning…what has become routine for them. They stumble into our room after they hear my alarm go off, walk up to my bedside, peer over me and ask, “Is Daddy home yet?” Since he typically takes a 6 am flight out of SFO to most places, he usually leaves our house at 3 am to catch that flight. And since he usually tries to stay as late as possible without adding on extra days to his trip, he normally gets home in the middle of the night. So if you tell the kids, “Daddy will be home tomorrow”, they usually think when they wake up in the morning he will be there, which is not always the case.

It’s a hard reality for them.

This morning, when they said that, my heart wanted to break. See, we are REALLY, TRULY, stepping out on faith here. We went from having Brandon with us almost all the time to him being gone a lot. It’s very hard on the kids. Thankfully, they seem to be adjusting, but the first couple days of any trip he takes are pretty rough. This morning when I dropped Evy off at school, she said to her teacher, “Daddy is coming home today!”

My heart burst.

Let me honest friends, this isn’t perhaps the easiest route for us to take. No amount of beautiful home, lovely living environment, great family surroundings can make up for it. Then why do you do it, you ask? Well, we feel this is where God has placed us for the moment. And regardless of whatever job situation God puts in our path, we just don’t feel that it’s what is right for us NOW. Not that it wouldn’t be in the future, it’s just that we don’t feel a release.

Without making you think I am complaining {because believe me, I am SO THANKFUL for all of you who have my husband minister at your churches. I love and appreciate you all so much. You think he is blessing you, but by having him speak, you are blessing us}, I got kinda mad this week. I told the Lord, “I’m done God. This is too hard.” I cried. I admit it. Superwoman I am not. I told the Lord that I wished we were “normal” and “not in the ministry”. I’m sorry if this is too much information for you, but it is what it is. I told Him that I wish Brandon just had a regular job where we could put roots down and not worry about where God is going to call us or place us or tell us to go next. I want to have some stability, job security, assurance that my family will be in one place for a while. I admitted that I was scared and I really let Him have it regarding my thoughts. Sad, I know.

But then I started thinking…you know, who am I kidding? Even if we had a “regular job”, NOTHING is EVER secure. EVER. God always has His way. Even when you don’t realize it. Working a regular job doesn’t mean it’s secure, or “for sure”. Job security is a very foreign concept now a days. And not to mention, God could decide He wants you move to Timbuktu and wahlah…you could lose your job and/or be transferred. We ALL, regardless if we are in the ministry or not, need to be trusting that God has our best interest in mind and that He will do what is best for us. When a door shuts, He ALWAYS has a another one open!

TRUST. It’s what being a Christian…NOT just a preacher {or a preacher’s wife}, is all about. You trust daily. With your family, your life, your career. You TRUST. Because things are not for sure. EVER.

I have spent the last couple days telling the Lord I trust Him. I believe in Him. I know that He knows what is best for us. Remember our move? Or how about the amazing Evy’s Tree success? Or how about the fact that we are able to put food on our table still?? He hasn’t forgotten us. Ever.

Please forgive me for being honest and I hope that I’m not speaking too plainly. But I felt to share this, because I do feel there are probably many other wives out there, whether ministers wives or not, that feel like I did this week…stuck, abandoned, scared. I want to tell you something I felt the Lord tell me in that moment…

IT’S OK. It’s ok to feel lost, abandoned, scared. He understands that. All throughout scripture we see many men of God feel like way. Abraham, Moses, David, Peter, Paul. It’s common. But what I love about our God is that He doesn’t walk away…but He loves. And because He LOVES,  I TRUST.

So today I am thankful for the ability to trust. Because trusting takes away so much fear and doubt. It automatically erases the ability to be scared. Regardless of what place you are in life, when you trust, you know that it will all work out. And today I am thankful for that.

I love you Lord. I trust that you know what you are doing for the Miraflor family. I pray that you guide us and give us wisdom for the future. Especially now with my kids. Give me the wisdom to parent them on my own sometimes. Thank you for what you have done in our lives. And I pray for my friends who are reading along….help them to trust. I know you also have THEIR best interest in mind.

Love you friends. xoxo

“Trust in the Lord with thine whole heart, and lean not upon thine own understanding. In all thy way acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

* * * * * * * *

In case you are wondering what’s going on here, I am joining up with The Nester and her 31 Day Challenge. I am challenging myself to write about Thankfulness for 31 days…every day be thankful for something, even if it’s little. A way to force me to look at the positive so to speak…if you want to see all the 31 day posts I do, click HERE.

3 thoughts on “31 Days: Trust

  1. 1
    Audrey says:

    Beautiful. Authentic. Thankful!

    It makes me upset and the “tigress” rises inside me to think you feel you have to apologize for being authentic! What is wrong with us that we cannot face the truth and not be merciful, empathetic, encouraging and supportive? “Burying our heads in the sand” does not change reality. GOD wants authenticity. HE does not want a relationship with us built on what we “think” HE wants to hear. Or a relationship built on the masks that we wear. I believe that GOD’s heart jumped with joy and admiration when you admitted the struggle you were having! That you turned to HIM with your questions, doubts, fears, angst, anger is exactly what HE wants. HE wants us to depend on HIM. HE longs for real relationships. That is why we were created. “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” (Rev. 4:11) It is a testament to your faith and trust (gifts from GOD) that you were able to turn to HIM and then let HIM reassure you as only OUR FATHER can. {I am fighting the feeling that I am ranting on your blog. lol} I just want you to know that your authenticity is why so many love you and are drawn to you. Authenticity allows CHRIST to show through us like nothing else (look at the Psalms!). Thank you for allowing this in your life by submitting to the precious SPIRIT placed inside of you. Never forget that GOD pursues us with everything HE is for our entire lives! (Psalm 23:6)

    Love you. Hugs!

  2. 2
    Jill Vestal says:

    Dr. Crownover said in one of his amazing classes that it is okay to be honest with God. It is okay to tell him you are mad or upset at him or that you don’t understand what in the world he is doing or why in the world he didn’t answer your prayers like you thought he should. He already knows how we feel anyway and when we say the things we think we are supposed to say while feeling just the opposite of what we are saying, well, he knows we are lying. So, why not just tell him. This was a wonderful revelation to me and has helped me get through my mother’s death, a miscarriage and all those other things life throws at us. This is a beautiful post and the reason I check your blog everyday. If I can be honest, I could have written it myself. I have my own pity party regularly because we are a one-income family (and I am the primary earner) while Lonnie focuses on planting the church. I, too, have moments when I just want to throw in the towel. But, then I have no idea what to do after the towel has been thrown in! Thank you for the prayer at the end of the post. I truly felt the Lord in this. God bless you!

  3. 3
    Ashley Werner says:

    Loved this post, i too struggle with trust probably more often then i might like to admit. Thanks so much for the reminder that we all need to trust in the Lord :)

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